Okay, I'm back (she said sheepishly). I've started up a new regime. Since friends seem hard to come by at this school (it's appallingly cliquish-- private school kids) and I only have a few, I've started to observe the people around me. It's surprisingly engaging, and I've decided that Raspberry Beret (and I now realize I will have to change the title or it will be plagiarism) will be about human dynamics, so I have to know everything about people. Most people are easy enough to figure out, but there are a few I just don't get. There's this boy in my English class who makes faces at me when he catches me staring at him, trying to figure him out. I wish I knew what was going through his mind just then. There's another one, though, that I wish I could figure out even more. Let's just call him Ba. He's extremely smart. Sometimes he doesn't even take notes, and I'm beginning to wonder if he has a photographic memory. Anyway, he actually doesn't speak until spoken to, or, occasionally to ask questions in class. He seems to really care about his education, but he doesn't always pay attention. I've seen him walking down the halls in a daze a few times, with a dreamy expression on his face. It's all very baffling. He's definitely not snobby or shy, though. When you talk to him, he's very friendly. He laughs just as much as any other person, and smiles quite a bit. It's infuriating: I just can't figure out what makes him tick. I've also been forming storylines, not just figuring people out. There's this punky junior couple. I've been watching them for ages. They used to be just good friends, but he liked her. You could tell by the way he looked at her. His eyes twinkled. Then, one day, they walked into school in front of me holding hands. I guess he drives her to school. I wished bitterly I could have known exactly how that had come about. I wished I could have witnessed that conversation, but, of course, I couldn't, so I just made it up. Easy enough to visualize. I bet they had been on the edge of romance for a few weeks. And then someone said something that set it off. Or there was a big, dramatic soap opera-confession scene! Or maybe just a kiss. I really hope it was the dramatic soap opera-confession scene. I think I'm enjoying this much too much, though. I walk down the halls, see something that I think is funny, or imagine what someone must be thinking, and start laughing like a madman all the way down the hall. They must all think I'm a freak now, but I don't much care. I'm having way too much fun. Unfortunately, though, it does come with a price. I'm beginning to think of these people as my characters, which is kind of a bad thing to think with real people.
The only bad thing right now is that I am definitely phase-twoing again. Of course, right when I'm phase-twoing, P and I become closer as friends. I know it's my fault and all, but it does kind of suck. I definitely don't mind being friends with him, though, of course. He said this thing last night, when we were IMing, about how he would be happy as long as I was alive and well. I was, frankly, shocked, and couldn't help blurting out (or as much as you can blurt on IM), "No! I'm not that important!" Because, I mean, I shouldn't be. Anyway, I won't bore you any longer with tales of my trivial trials, so this is me, signing off!
Watching all of you,
Rosie L.
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